The way it is
by gibbsrossi
Summary: He loved her and she was taken from him - how will he respond... This is my first fan fiction, not good at summaries, hope you enjoy


David Rossi was a hard man, a strong man who did not show his feelings and emotions often. But now, in this moment he was overcome by the very thing that he had always been able to overcome…fear. Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital his heart was gripped with fear. She could not die, not now, not when they had just found each other. He had been married four times but he had never really been in love, not until he had met her. She was everything to him, and now she lay in an operating theatre, two bullets lodged in her beautiful body and it was his fault. It seemed as if days had passed before the doctor entered the room. Rossi was a profiler but even if he had not been he could see what the young doctor was going to tell him. He had lost her and with her himself.

Rossi stood rigidly at the grave side, the service had been short and sad. The church devoid of people besides himself and her mother. He had not told his family of her, he had not introduced her to his colleagues at the BAU; in fact he had hidden her from his world. He was not sure why, but even in death she was separated from the rest of his life. He had put in for personal leave at the BAU – Hotch his supervisor had not questioned him as to the reason, just told him to take all the time he needed. Rossi reflected on their conversation with a slight frown, it was as if Hotch knew that Rossi's life was in complete turmoil, but to his credit he did not pry. Hotch knew him well, Rossi had taken him under his wing when he had first joined the BAU and had mentored him into his position as team leader. Perhaps with all that Hotch had gone through with the death of Hailey he recognized in Rossi a profound sadness that was not to be shared with others. As the rain began to fall he said a silent goodbye to the woman he loved and then took her mother by the arm and led her away.

"It's not your fault Dave…" Melissa said softly, taking his arm and leaning on him slightly.

David Rossi squeezed the old woman's shoulder as they walked, not trusting himself to talk at that point. He steered Melissa to the waiting black SUV and placed her in the passenger seat. There would be no reception no wake. He would drive the woman home and then go to his own house and get as drunk as possible as fast as possible.

Three Weeks Later…

Rossi had been back at the BAU for a week when the call came in. A woman shot in the abdomen and the chest, her companion left uninjured at the crime scene, the police had been called and an ambulance. The woman had died on the operating table. This was the second incident of its kind in the area and the local police captain had decided to ask for the help of the BAU. Jennifer Jerreau had decided that the case was worth the attention of the unit and had brought it to the attention of their unit chief. Hotch had agreed and told her to get the team together. They gathered in the briefing room. JJ had put briefing packs in front of each of their chairs detailing the crimes in question. Rossi picked up his file and glanced that the picture of the young woman who had been murdered. Turning the page he sat rigid in his chair as if he had just been struck by something. The colour drained from his face as he stared down at the picture of the woman he had buried only weeks before. Morgan who had been watching Rossi as he opened the dossier noticed the change in his demeanor.

"Rossi, you alright?" Morgan asked as he saw the reaction Rossi had to the picture. "You look like you just seen a ghost."

Rossi did not respond; he just stared down at his murdered lover unable to grasp the situation.

"Rossi…!" Morgan said getting out of his chair and approaching him concern etched on his face.

The rest of the team took note of what was happening, Rossi abruptly stood, throwing over his chair and almost ran out of the room. Morgan glanced over at Hotch as if to ask him what they should do.

"Leave him alone for now," Hotch said softly then turned to his media liaison officer, "JJ what is this case about and what does it have to do with Dave?"

"Two murdered woman." JJ immediately responded. "One murdered three days ago, one three weeks ago. I did not pick up any connection to Dave though."

"Ok…take us through it." Hotch said quietly, his sharp mind making a connection with the fact that Dave had requested personal leave three weeks earlier without any explanation as to why he needed it and what he was going to do. Hotch had not questioned him then, although his instinct had told him that something was definitely not right in the world of David Rossi.

JJ began the briefing explaining the details of the crimes. Both women had been shot in front of their companions. The men that were with them had been given a drug that had immobilized them so that they could not do anything to protect the woman. Both women had been shot in the abdomen and the chest. It appeared that the assailant had then called both the police and the ambulance and then given the men an antidote to the drug that they had been dosed with, a neurotoxin called Detraxomide. It was a drug that was used by anesthetists to immobilize patients on the operating table. Both women had died on the operating table of their wounds.

"Do we have the names of the men involved?" Hotch asked, dreading what the answer would be.

"The second victim was one Lucas Benson, 35 from New York, and the woman was his fiancée." JJ replied studying her notes. "The first victim was… Oh Jesus!" JJ said suddenly as she read the name on the police report.

"Rossi was the first victim!" Reid blurted out.

"Why would we not know about this, why would he keep it from us?" Emily Prentiss asked incredulously.

"That I don't know, but I am going to find out." Hotch said as he left the room in the direction of Rossi's office.

Rossi sat motionlessly at his desk, as glass of scotch whiskey in his hand and the bottle standing on his desk.

"My God Dave, what the hell is going on?" Hotch asked as he sat down opposite the man he admired and looked up to as a father.

Rossi did not respond except for draining the glass in his hand and refilling it from the open bottle.

"Dave how could you not tell us that you were a victim in a homicide?" Hotch asked, hating himself for having to come on so strong seeing the state in which David found himself. "Agent Rossi what the hell is going on?" Hotch demanded his voice taking on an authoritarian note.

"She… she and I were…." Dave stopped and took another drink of whiskey. "She and I were together, we were out for dinner, I did not even see him…" Dave stopped looking over at Hotch with a pleading look. "We were going to be married." He said quietly before draining another glass.

"My God Dave, why didn't you tell us? Why keep it a secret?"

"I don't know…" Dave said softly, "God help me, I don't know."

"Ok, well sitting here drinking yourself into a stupor is not going to solve anything." Hotch said taking the bottle and replacing its lid. "Let's get back to the briefing and find the Unsub responsible for this before he kills again." Hotch stood waiting for Rossi to follow.

Rossi did not move, he took the last sip of amber liquid left in the glass then reached out to take the bottle Hotch had just placed back on the table.

"Dave, don't do this…" Hotch almost begged the older man. "Ok; you stay here and get drunk, if you want to be of use, to find out who killed her and stop him before he does it again to some other woman, then you know where we are, if not then just sit here and get drunk, I am sure she would approve." Hotch said hotly then turned on his heel and left Rossi staring at his back.

Hotch walked back in to the briefing room; the rest of the team looked at him expectantly. Hotch sat down heavily in his chair and instructed JJ to carry on with the briefing. JJ stared at him waiting for him to give them some clue as to what was going on with Rossi. Hotch said nothing just picked up the briefing folder and began to study its contents.

"So the men were unable to help their women when the Unsub shot them. But the Unsub made sure that they witnessed the shooting." Hotch summarized trying to ignore the looks the rest of the team were throwing at him and trying to get them focused on the case and not on Rossi.

"That's right." A voice from the door broke the silence. Rossi stood in the doorway briefly then strode to his seat and sat down. "He attacks from behind; you don't even know that he is even there. I felt a small prick but thought nothing of it and then the next thing I was on the pavement. He stayed behind me at all times never giving me a chance to see him. I heard the shots and then…she…she was lying in front of me bleeding from two gunshots." Dave took a deep breath suppressing the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him again. "He said something before he left, he said…" Again Dave had to stop and take a deep breath before continuing. "He said… this is your fault, you killed her… then he was gone and the police and ambulance were there." Dave slumped back in his chair drained from the emotions of reliving the event and from the whiskey he had consumed. "I have been working with the police on leads and follow up."

"Why didn't you tell us about this, surely you must have sensed this was not an ordinary homicide?" Emily asked.

"I don't know…"

"That's not good enough Rossi… now there is another woman dead and we are behind in the game." Morgan said.

The withering look he received from Rossi made him instantly regret the implication he had made.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean…"

"Yes you did and you are right. I don't know why I did not tell you guys, I don't know why I didn't get the BAU involved. All I do know is you are right, and not only am I responsible to Kerry's death, but for the other girl too. So I will give you all I have, which is basically what I have already told you and then…then I will hand in my resignation."

"Dave, nobody said you are responsible for anything this Unsub did. You did not kill anyone, you were the victim; all we are saying is that you should have brought this to our attention." Reid said quickly trying to ease the tension.

"No, Morgan is right." Dave stated. "It was a mistake to come back to the BAU anyway; so ask what you want…"

"No Dave, you are not getting out of this that easily. You have been investigating this on your own haven't you?" Hotch said, his gut instinct telling him the Rossi would not let the murder of a woman he loved go unpunished. "Haven't you?" Hotch insisted.

"What was your plan, find him and kill him…" Morgan continued, voicing the fear that all of them were thinking. That is why he had not brought it to the attention of the BAU; that is why he had been keeping up with the investigations. He was planning on revenging himself on the Unsub.

"Well not any more isn't that right Dave." JJ said quietly and then continued before Rossi could respond. "Now we work together to get justice, not only for Kerry but for the other victim too."

"I can't…"

"Don't you even think of backing away from us David Rossi! You are part of this team, you are one of us and this is where you should be. Now you have been under some pressure and we all understand that and you have made some mistakes but nothing that can't be rectified. We need you to finish this thing, and you need us. Now enough of this, we need to focus on the case."

The rest of the group stared at Emily as she rambled off her speech. Then each of them nodded and turned back to their briefing. There would be fallout for Rossi for this from the top brass but that would be dealt with after they had caught the bastard that had committed these crimes. Then they could worry about consequences. Until then they had a job to do and by God they were going to do it.

David Rossi said nothing, he looked around the table at the people who had become his family and who were ready to stand by him despite the fact that he had not only deceived them but had put the BAU in jeopardy by his actions. He knew he was wrong in what he was doing but that was not going to change his mind, it would hurt them and probably cost him their friendship but he was going to kill the son of a bitch that had taken Kerry from him, he had promised her that cold rainy day three weeks ago, he had made a promise to her and her mother that he would make the bastard pay. So for now he would go along with Hotch and the rest of them right to the end but the end would be the death of the Unsub by his hand, he was not going to take the chance that the corrupt and inept justice system would let him go, would give him a mediocre sentence or even worse send him to a hospital for the criminally insane. No justice would be swift and fatal and he would be the one to deliver it.

Hotch looked over at Rossi, he knew that Rossi was not going to change his plans; he planned to kill the Unsub. Well Hotch thought, let's catch him first and then deal with David Rossi's intentions. He would stop Dave from committing murder even if it cost him his friendship with him, he knew what it was like to live with killing somebody. He was not naive, Rossi had killed before; all of them had in the line of duty but to kill for revenge that was different. He had killed Foyet, yes it was different and yet not. Foyet had to die because if he did not he would have got out of prison again and come after him and his son, at least that is what he had told himself when he was beating him to death. But he knew he had killed him for what Foyet had done to him and his family and it had felt good at the time, but now, now he regretted it and it had made an indelible impact on his soul, it had changed him, made him colder and made him unsure of his own humanity. He would not allow that to happen to Dave, not if he could help it.

Once the group had gone through the case files Hotch gave out the assignments to each of his team members. He sent Emily and Reid to the crime scene of the most recent attack and Morgan and himself to the Rossi scene. Rossi and JJ were to go to the local police station and talk to the Captain about any new developments that they may have come up with. Rossi too had to explain to the Captain that he was a member of the BAU, a fact he had neglected to tell the Captain at the time of the attack. They would then all gather at the local station to solidify the profile. Garcia was asked to check if there was any links to any other homicides in the area and state wide. She was also to check if there were any similar incidents country wide. Often the perpetrators of these kinds of crimes did not stay in one place.

Two hours later the team gathered in the office of Captain Bill Angston of the Washington Police. No further clues were collected from the crime scenes, nor had the police come up with any further evidence. Garcia reported back that there were no other homicides that were similar in style to the ones committed now. Finally with all the information that they had Hotch decided that they could give a partial profile. The officers in the precinct assigned to the case gathered in the briefing room and the profile was given:

Young white male. Well dressed and would fit in well in an up market area. Going on what he said to both Rossi and the other male victim he had experienced some kind of trauma in childhood where his father or some other male figure was not able to protect him or his mother or sister as he perceived they should have been able to. If he was confronted he would put up a fight, this Unsub would go out fighting to protect himself from any kind of perceived threat. With the fact that there were no similar incidence in recent times in the area or state, it was determined that he had experienced some kind of recent trauma which had triggered the killing spree. The fact that he called the police and the ambulance could indicate that he felt remorse for what he had done and was doing it to perhaps try to save the women. However it could just be that he was daring the authorities to catch him if they can.

The profile was flimsy at best but it was all they could do with the limited information that they had. However they did not have to wait long before he struck again, this time outside a high end restaurant in the down town district of Washington. Again the woman was shot in the abdomen and the chest, the man immobilized and the same words spoken to him. The only difference was that the woman died on the scene, not making it to the hospital and this time he had made a miscalculation; the man had not been as susceptible to the drug and had managed to scratch the Unsub as he knelt beside him to whisper his words to him. They now had DNA of the Unsub and with any luck they would be in the system. The scrapings from under the victims' fingernails were sent to the FBI lab for analysis and they would have the results within a few hours.

The DNA results came back with a hit on a man named Burt Laperts. He was a young man of 25 who had lost his mother in a home invasion when he was twelve years old. His father had been rendered unconscious by the armed robbers who then locked him in a closet while they raped and murdered his mother and then robbed the house. He was currently employed as a teller at a local bank. The bank had been robbed a month ago by armed robbers who had assaulted him in the course of the robbery. His DNA was in the system as it was taken for elimination purposes during the investigation of that crime. His last known address as an apartment in downtown Washington, Hotch warned all the officers who would accompany them to make the arrest that this man would put up a fight and that they wanted to take the man alive if possible. He suggested that Rossi remain at the station during the arrest, something that Rossi objected to vehemently but eventually agreed to. As soon as the BAU members and the officers had left, Rossi slipped out the back and requisitioned one of the squad cars. Hotch was not going to stop him from fulfilling his promise.

The officers arrived at the flat of the suspect and deployed to their positions. Hotch was relieved that Rossi had not accompanied them to this arrest allowing him to concentrate solely on the Unsub without having to worry if Dave was going to try to exact vengeance. He did not see the car pull up with Rossi in it and did not see the man get out and make his way to the back entrance of the building.

The Unsub had a flat on the ground floor of the building and it was determined that he was indeed home. Hotch gave the signal for the officers to move in and the BAU members proceeded to approach the building. It had been five minutes since Rossi had arrived when they heard the gun shot from within the housing units. Hotch and Morgan broke into a run approaching the building with caution though and with guns drawn at the ready. They entered the building to find Rossi standing over the figure of the young Unsub.

Rossi looked up as they entered, then he dropped his gun and put his hands up in the air to indicate surrender. It was done, he had fulfilled his promise. Hotch stared at the man shaking his head in disbelieve as much as sorrow. David Rossi had committed cold blooded murder on his watch, but more than that, Hotch saw at that moment in Rossi's eyes that the man was gone. He supposed that he had died that night with Kerry and there was nothing he could have done to prevent him from finishing the job. Rossi would spend the rest of his life in prison, another kind of death especially for a man like Rossi but death none the less and he had failed to save him. Morgan walked up to Rossi shaking his head as he put the cuffs on his friend and mentor, a man that had inspired him and most of the other young FBI agents who worked for the BAU to go into profiling.

"Why?" He asked softly.

"Because it had to be done!" Rossi said simply.


End file.
